The Falling Leaves (one shot)
Apr. 9th, 2017 03:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yun_miyakeTitle: The Falling Leaves
Pairing: Juntoshi/Sakumoto
Length: one-shot
Genre: romance, angst
Rating: G
Disclaimer: They aren’t mine, it was just my imagination.
Summary: Jun was just an ordinary man with an ordinary job who eventually had a relationship with two amazing lawyers. The unfairness had separated him from the one he loved…
Warning: unbetaed, error grammars and beware of character’s death
“Satoshi, wait!”
Jun chased a man in the hallway; the place was smeared with dark-suited men and women, all of them were talking seriously to each other, there were also people from the media, typing quickly on their laptops at the first table they could find. It was another long trial, another tiring trial for the lawyers.
The man called Satoshi waited for him while adjusting his eyeglasses along with his tie. He was an attractive man with thick black hair, a nice-shaped nose, thin lips and firm shoulders. He might be short, but he looked strong and intimidating. His expression always mysterious and invited curiosity from the people around him, but not to Jun. This man showed his true self to Jun, his smile was different every time he smiled at Jun.
Jun approached the man, arranging his breaths before speaking. Despite their height difference (Jun was taller than Satoshi), but Jun felt he was far shorter than this man – in some ways.
“I made this for you,” he withdrew something from his pocket, a small replica doll of a cat. A lucky charm for Satoshi for his next trial.
Satoshi took it from Jun’s hand, “Thank you,” he said.
“Good luck for your next trial,” Jun said, smiling at the man. “You look tired, are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” Satoshi nodded. “Sho kun is my opponent for the trial next week,” Satoshi added.
Jun was about to say something, but the media had come and surrounded Ohno for a post-trial interview.
“Ohno san, could you please give us a comment on the current trial?” a man from media approached the man, followed by the others. They separated Jun from Satoshi and he had no choice but to leave the hall, knowing that Satoshi would be going for another hearing for that evening.
Jun left the venue and walked towards the small park in front of the building, waiting for Sho. He glanced at his watch, almost six in the evening. He watched the hall from where he was siting, it had been five years since he followed case by case in this court. He wasn’t a lawyer, he was just a writer for a local newspaper in the criminal column.
Ohno Satoshi was the first lawyer he knew when he came to this court. Jun had found out that Ohno was one of the most capable young lawyers in the law firm he worked at. Both of them got to know each other eventually and involved in a romantic relationship for almost two years, but something didn’t happen right and they decided to end it or it was Ohno who left him.
However, both Jun and Ohno stayed friends, regardless that now Jun dated Sakurai Sho, another lawyer from another law firm which was a rival to Ohno. Sho and Ohno went to the same university and both of them were the top ten ranked students. They had become opponent once, Sho won the case and since that day, they hadn’t faced each other again.
“Waiting for Sho san?” a man sat down beside Jun. He carried a brief case with him which looked heavy. He was an internship in Sho’s office, Aiba Masaki who had just graduated from a law school and he was still struggled to find a proper job.
“He takes so long,” Jun said, glancing again at his watch.
“Jun kun, have you met Ninomiya recently?” Aiba asked.
Jun shook his head. Ninomiya was Ohno’s assistant and every time Jun met him, it always remained an unpleasant memory.
“Why did you ask?”
“No, nothing,” Aiba smiled.
Aiba seemed to put a liking on Ninomiya, even though it was a completely one-sided love because Ninomiya was a person with great pride and it was almost impossible for him to date someone who was still in an internship.
“That’s Sho,” Jun stood up and approached the man who walked towards their direction.
Sho was a complete opposite from Ohno; he was tall and muscular. He was born to wear suit and tie, Jun never met anyone who looked so good in a suit. Sho’s expression was always serious, some that only smart people could make, he dyed his hair a little bit brown. His skin was flawless, his dark eyes under his shaped eyebrows are sharp, he had plump lips which were the most attractive part of him. Everything about Sho was perfect and Jun still couldn’t believe why this man dated him at the first place.
Jun himself wasn’t an ugly nor a handsome neither. He was tall, his hair was dark and curly at the end. He wore glasses to cover his big eyes, his sight was going worse for the past two years. He had pretty lips (like what Sho always told him) and he was proportional. But he wasn’t a type of a popular boy at school, he could say that he was just an ordinary person with an ordinary job.
They met a year ago when Jun was there for a trial of domestic violence. Sho won the case and sent the culprit to the prison; he stayed with the victim when Jun interviewed her. Sho was interested in Jun’s article and he helped Jun a lot with it. They grew closer and Sho kissed him at the bus stop when they were about to separate at the end of the day.
Jun was actually still couldn’t get over Ohno back then, but it would be a lie if he denied Sho’s feeling. They started dating and Jun always presence at Sho’s evening hearing.
“Jun, you don’t need to wait for me,” Sho said. He looked very tired and it meant he would be grumpy for the rest of the night.
“I have nothing to do anyway,” Jun said.
“I’ll go to the office and heading home as soon as I can, you can leave without me,” Sho said, handing Aiba his briefcase.
“How about dinner?” Jun asked.
“I’ll eat in the office,” Sho said, avoiding Jun’s gaze.
It was always like this after a long trial, moreover that Sho would be facing Ohno in a few days. The pressure had triggered the bad mood and Jun could do nothing about it.
“I’ll be waiting,” Jun said, following Sho’s steps towards the parking lot. “I met Satoshi at the hall.”
“He’s dying, yet he doesn’t lose his spirit for trial,” Sho said, loosening his tie.
“He looked healthy enough,” Jun commented.
“Let’s hope he’s still healthy next week.”
“Sho, that’s rude,” Jun said, offended.
“Sorry, Jun. I’m just so tired and stress right now,” Sho replied. They had reached Sho’s car, he withdrew the key from his pocket and opened the door. “I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s fine, I understand,” Jun said, flashing a smile at Sho. “Be careful on your way,” he continued, glancing at Aiba who pretended not to hear a thing.
Sho nodded, fastened the seatbelt, closed the door and started the engine. Jun watched as the car went away. He thought about Ohno and their failed relationship, he didn’t know the real reason why Ohno ended it until a few weeks ago. It was Ninomiya who cornered him and accused him as the most disgusting person for leaving Ohno because of his illness.
***
“You’re leaving him because you’ve found another living bank, aren’t you?”
Jun knew that Ninomiya was known for his directness, but what he said to Jun was beyond rude for a person you didn’t really know. They only met a few times in the court hall, Jun sometimes greeted the man for politeness reason, even though Ninomiya rarely replied him.
“Excuse me?” Jun said.
“I’m talking about Ohno san.”
“My relationship with Satoshi has nothing to do with you,” Jun said coldly.
“Indeed,” Ninomiya said. “But, you must have known that he has an illness and you left him just like that. For a person who writes something related to justice, it’s not really nice, huh?”
Jun needed a few seconds to digest Ninomiya’s words. It was the last thing he wanted to hear from this man about Ohno, it couldn’t be, Ninomiya must have lied to him.
“Illness? Satoshi? Wait, I don’t get it.”
Ninomiya shook his head in agony.
“Don’t pretend that you don’t know,” he said, leaving Jun to the court hall.
Jun should have chased the man and asked him for an explanation, but he couldn’t move his feet. He stayed there and watched Ninomiya disappearing towards the hall with the bewildered feeling that he couldn’t name. It was impossible that Ohno had an illness, he couldn’t have it and not telling Jun; on the opposite, he had sent Jun away from his life, he didn’t want to share it with him.
Later on, Jun found out that Ohno had cardiomyopathy or heart muscle disease which was untreatable. It was a disease he inherited from his mother who died ten years before.
Didn’t Ohno love him enough to trust him with such thing?
Didn’t Ohno want to fight the illness with Jun by his side?
But it was too late to get what they once had. Ohno had decided to cut the ties between them and Jun knew there would be no way back.
If only Jun had known that Ohno had cardiomyopathy, he would not have left the man behind, he would have insisted on staying together.
Jun hadn’t met Ohno since his encounter with Ninomiya three weeks before and when he got to see the man, Ohno avoided the topic and said that perhaps Ninomiya was telling a lie.
“Don’t let him make you feel guilty, I’m alright,” Ohno said, patting Jun’s shoulder when they were about to separate. “Our relationship has nothing to do with my illness,” Ohno added.
Jun knew it was a pure white lie, but he could do nothing to change Ohno’s mind.
***
“Jun, your order,” Sho’s voice woke him up from his run of thoughts.
“Oh, sorry,” Jun confusedly read the menu book in his hands. “I’ll have Blanquette De Veau and a glass of red wine, please.”
“Are you okay?” Sho asked.
“Yes,” Jun answered, watching the waiter who left their table.
They were having a dinner in a France restaurant; it had been a while since both of them had dinner outside. Jun usually cooked for dinner, he didn’t really like eating outside except for special occasion.
“You daydream a lot lately, is there anything bothering you?” Sho asked.
Jun could answer with short ‘no’, but he found his lips glued. He thought about Ohno recently, more than he could anticipate. He was ready to get over Ohno and thought of him as a friend, but when he knew the reason behind their break-up, he felt so stupid.
Jun lifted his gaze to meet Sho’s eyes and knew it would be unfair for Sho if he admitted that he was still thinking of Ohno. He flashed a soft smile at Sho and shook his head.
“Nothing is bothering me, I’m just thinking of the article I’ve been writing.”
“Is that so?” Sho replied. He seemed to not convinced enough, but he didn’t ask anything further for the rest of the dinner.
Sho didn’t mention about his upcoming trial with Ohno, he basically avoided the talk about the man as much as he could. He wasn’t a type of a jealous monster and never got mad every time he saw Jun with Ohno talking in the hall. Sho had known about Ohno’s illness and perhaps it bothered him as much as it bothered Jun, only that he didn’t want to talk about it.
Jun had no detail information about Ohno’s wellbeing, regardless that they were friends. Ohno was hiding his condition very well, he didn’t want anyone else, including Jun to get involved in his life anymore. It was sad to imagine Ohno going to the hospital all by himself with nobody to talk to afterward.
Sho said that he needed to finish some stuff and told Jun to go to bed earlier. Jun covered himself with the blanket and turned the table lamp off, but he wasn’t sleepy at all. Was it the right thing to do? Cuddle up with Sho meanwhile Ohno was suffering alone? But Ohno was the one who wanted it, Jun reminded himself.
Jun tried to close his eyes, but all he could see was Ohno’s face. Confused, he got up from the bed and joined Sho at the living room.
“Can’t sleep,” he said to Sho.
Sho gave him a weak smile and nodded, he continued typing something on his computer. Jun looked at the man, Sho seemed tired recently more than he already was. His eyes under the eyeglasses were lack of sleep and sometimes there were bags under them.
Jun rose from the sofa and hugged Sho from behind, he rested his chin on the man’s neck. Sho’s soft perfume was the best thing he’d ever smelled; Sho turned at him and kissed his lips.
“I love you,” Jun whispered.
“I love you more,” Sho replied.
Jun stayed still for minutes and gave Sho another kiss on his cheek before leaving him to the bed. He tried not to think about Ohno, but the more he tried the more he failed.
***
“Satoshi!”
“What do you want?” the one who responded was Ninomiya since Ohno was still talking to a man from a media.
“I need to talk with him,” Jun said, ignoring Ninomiya’s cold expression.
“Leave him alone, you have no business with him.”
“You have no right to tell me what I can or can’t do, Ninomiya,” Jun said, glaring at the man in front of him. It was the first time for him to tell a harsh thing to this particular man; Ninomiya’s jaw hardened but he had no time to answer as Ohno joined them.
“Jun, how are you?” he greeted Jun while smiling at him.
“Satoshi, I need to talk.”
“Ohno san, you have another meeting to be attended right after this,” Ninomiya hissed beside him.
“It’s okay, Nino,” Ohno patted Ninomiya’s shoulder, assuring him. “I still have half an hour.”
“Ten minutes is enough,” Jun said before Ninomiya could say something.
Ohno nodded and turned at Ninomiya, “You can wait for me in the lobby,” he said.
Ninomiya responded with a yes and gave Jun a cold gaze before turning around towards the lobby of the court hall.
“It’s been a while,” Ohno said.
“Satoshi, why you do it to yourself?”
Ohno knew that Jun referred to his current condition; he turned his gaze to the glass wall, to the falling leaves outside.
“The fall has come,” Ohno murmured, not answering Jun’s question. “Fall is your favorite time of the year, isn’t it?”
“Satoshi, you didn’t answer my question.”
It was clear that Ohno looked paler than usual and somehow fragile, but he still on fire when he defended his client on the trial.
“I have no particular reason,” Ohno said after a minute passed. “But I’m glad that you’ve found Sho kun.”
“You could have told me the truth and I would have never left.”
“It was me who left,” Ohno said. “Don’t blame yourself, Jun. It’s my choice.”
“But…”
“Thank you for your concern.”
Ohno’s tone was final as if telling Jun that his life was none of Jun’s business. Jun felt something cold rushed into his stomach when he heard Ohno’s words, it hurt him more than their break-up two years before.
“Sorry, Jun. I have to go,” Ohno turned around and left Jun who couldn’t give any reply. He stood still; it wasn’t the thing he expected, Ohno’s words had sent him away further than before. He wished he could chase the man and told him that he was still thinking of him, but it would give no good to anyone.
***
Sho’s trial with Ohno was held on Monday evening. Jun was busy with his final article so he couldn’t present on time at the venue. The trial was half-way when Jun got there. Ohno was presenting his plea against Sho, his voice fulfilled the courtroom, attracting everyone’s attention. Jun remembered the first time he saw Ohno in the trial, the man had a natural charm which made people pay attention to him. Jun had seen many lawyers before, but none of them was as good as Ohno in presenting his argument – well maybe Sho was at the same level.
That was when Ohno’s eyes found him; it was just for a split of a second, their gaze met. That eye-contact sent something strange to Jun’s heart; Ohno’s eyes were different, a flash of sadness was there and for some reason, Jun didn’t want the trial to end. He wanted it to go on forever.
The judge spoke as Ohno finished his plea, he said a few words and asked for a ten-minutes break to decide. Jun saw Sho and Ohno shook each other’s hand and returned to their desk. He wanted to sit down close to them, but the seats were full, everyone seemed to want to witness this trial as much as Jun did.
The judge had returned to the courtroom, everyone sat down and the room once again turned silent. He cleared his throat before speaking.
“On the charge of falsification of documents, we find the defendant is not guilty. Case dismissed.”
Everyone clapped their hands except Sho who sank down on his chair. He didn’t get used to something so-called failure, he looked shocked and angry at the same time. Jun rose from his chair, approaching Sho’s desk, but before he could do that, something else had stolen his attention, so did everyone in the room.
Ohno fell down to the floor before he could reach the judge for a hand shake. He remained unmoved, his skin had turned as white as the wall and Jun couldn’t think of anything else, he ran towards the man and held him, calling Ohno’s name over and over again.
***
“Go home.”
Ninomiya stood firmly before Jun with arms crossed in front of his chest. They were at the hospital waiting room, Ohno was brought to the ER and still under intensive care. Ninomiya came immediately to the courtroom and called the hospital, he pushed Jun away and took care of Ohno while waiting for the medical help.
Jun followed them to the hospital, not caring of Sho who still answered questions from the media. He knew he had no authority to keep Ohno company, but he couldn’t leave just like that. He tried to push the negative thoughts away, but it kept on coming.
“You’re only make everything worse, just go home.”
“One more word and I’ll break your nose,” Jun hissed. He didn’t know why he said those words, but his head was foggy and he couldn’t think clearly.
Ninomiya didn’t reply and slumped beside Jun, he inhaled deeply. “He doesn’t want to share his suffering,” the man said.
“I bet it doesn’t apply to you.”
“We’re old friends,” Ninomiya murmured.
“It’s so nice of you to work for him,” Jun commented. Perhaps, he would have surprised if he heard Ninomiya’s confession in a happier day, but now, his brain couldn’t proceed such information.
“I insist,” Ninomiya replied. “He helped me a lot at school, it’s the only time I can pay my debt.”
“Do you think that he will…you know.”
Ninomiya shrugged.
“He’s in advance stage,” he murmured.
They didn’t say anything for the time being. Jun couldn’t imagine how hurt it would be if Ohno wasn’t around anymore. No, the man would survive, he would not die or so he believed because the lawyer had closed his eyes forever on the next day.
***
“Jun, look, I caught the big one.”
Ohno’s hobby was fishing, no matter how cold the weather was. The autumn was about to finish and the air was getting colder day by day. Normal people would have chosen to stay at home and watched DVD than sailing to the sea just to catch a tuna.
“That’s very nice,” Jun approached the man and smiled at him.
“You look like you’ll die from cold,” Ohno chuckled. “Let’s go back before you die for real.”
Fishing was Ohno’s stress relief, it was the only time he could relax and became himself. Jun loved seeing that innocent face every time they went fishing, not mentioning that he didn’t like the sea, but he would put his dislike aside if it meant he could be with the real Ohno.
Jun and Ohno didn’t live together; because the lawyer loved his me-time. They mostly went fishing on their date or watched movies or in the rare occasion, lay down all day on the couch and talked nonsenses. Ohno’s smile was innocent when he was off guard; he was completely a different person when he had loosened his tie. Jun felt lucky that he got to know the real him; he loved to brag about Ohno to his co-workers.
He loved Ohno, he loved every side of him…
***
The memory was a weird thing, it appeared clearly when you didn’t want to recall it. Jun didn’t shed any tears along Ohno’s funeral, what he felt was beyond sadness. He didn’t talk to Sho for the past weeks, he knew it wasn’t Sho’s fault or anyone’s fault that Ohno died, but he just wanted to blame the world for letting Ohno die.
He left a letter to Sho and went traveling by himself. He had no particular purpose, but traveling seemed better than staying at home. He shouldered his backpack and headed the station, he would go to Hakodate first and would think of the next destination from there. Something told him to go to Hakodate, perhaps a good thing was waiting for him there. He looked at the bullet train ticket in his hand and stepped towards the platform upstairs.
END
a.n : Finally got back to my home country, even though half of my heart is left in Holland. Let me go back there!!
P.S: I’m reading Murakami’s latest novel now, ‘Kishidanchou Goroshi.’ As expected from a Master, his magic is always there.
Pairing: Juntoshi/Sakumoto
Length: one-shot
Genre: romance, angst
Rating: G
Disclaimer: They aren’t mine, it was just my imagination.
Summary: Jun was just an ordinary man with an ordinary job who eventually had a relationship with two amazing lawyers. The unfairness had separated him from the one he loved…
Warning: unbetaed, error grammars and beware of character’s death
“Satoshi, wait!”
Jun chased a man in the hallway; the place was smeared with dark-suited men and women, all of them were talking seriously to each other, there were also people from the media, typing quickly on their laptops at the first table they could find. It was another long trial, another tiring trial for the lawyers.
The man called Satoshi waited for him while adjusting his eyeglasses along with his tie. He was an attractive man with thick black hair, a nice-shaped nose, thin lips and firm shoulders. He might be short, but he looked strong and intimidating. His expression always mysterious and invited curiosity from the people around him, but not to Jun. This man showed his true self to Jun, his smile was different every time he smiled at Jun.
Jun approached the man, arranging his breaths before speaking. Despite their height difference (Jun was taller than Satoshi), but Jun felt he was far shorter than this man – in some ways.
“I made this for you,” he withdrew something from his pocket, a small replica doll of a cat. A lucky charm for Satoshi for his next trial.
Satoshi took it from Jun’s hand, “Thank you,” he said.
“Good luck for your next trial,” Jun said, smiling at the man. “You look tired, are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” Satoshi nodded. “Sho kun is my opponent for the trial next week,” Satoshi added.
Jun was about to say something, but the media had come and surrounded Ohno for a post-trial interview.
“Ohno san, could you please give us a comment on the current trial?” a man from media approached the man, followed by the others. They separated Jun from Satoshi and he had no choice but to leave the hall, knowing that Satoshi would be going for another hearing for that evening.
Jun left the venue and walked towards the small park in front of the building, waiting for Sho. He glanced at his watch, almost six in the evening. He watched the hall from where he was siting, it had been five years since he followed case by case in this court. He wasn’t a lawyer, he was just a writer for a local newspaper in the criminal column.
Ohno Satoshi was the first lawyer he knew when he came to this court. Jun had found out that Ohno was one of the most capable young lawyers in the law firm he worked at. Both of them got to know each other eventually and involved in a romantic relationship for almost two years, but something didn’t happen right and they decided to end it or it was Ohno who left him.
However, both Jun and Ohno stayed friends, regardless that now Jun dated Sakurai Sho, another lawyer from another law firm which was a rival to Ohno. Sho and Ohno went to the same university and both of them were the top ten ranked students. They had become opponent once, Sho won the case and since that day, they hadn’t faced each other again.
“Waiting for Sho san?” a man sat down beside Jun. He carried a brief case with him which looked heavy. He was an internship in Sho’s office, Aiba Masaki who had just graduated from a law school and he was still struggled to find a proper job.
“He takes so long,” Jun said, glancing again at his watch.
“Jun kun, have you met Ninomiya recently?” Aiba asked.
Jun shook his head. Ninomiya was Ohno’s assistant and every time Jun met him, it always remained an unpleasant memory.
“Why did you ask?”
“No, nothing,” Aiba smiled.
Aiba seemed to put a liking on Ninomiya, even though it was a completely one-sided love because Ninomiya was a person with great pride and it was almost impossible for him to date someone who was still in an internship.
“That’s Sho,” Jun stood up and approached the man who walked towards their direction.
Sho was a complete opposite from Ohno; he was tall and muscular. He was born to wear suit and tie, Jun never met anyone who looked so good in a suit. Sho’s expression was always serious, some that only smart people could make, he dyed his hair a little bit brown. His skin was flawless, his dark eyes under his shaped eyebrows are sharp, he had plump lips which were the most attractive part of him. Everything about Sho was perfect and Jun still couldn’t believe why this man dated him at the first place.
Jun himself wasn’t an ugly nor a handsome neither. He was tall, his hair was dark and curly at the end. He wore glasses to cover his big eyes, his sight was going worse for the past two years. He had pretty lips (like what Sho always told him) and he was proportional. But he wasn’t a type of a popular boy at school, he could say that he was just an ordinary person with an ordinary job.
They met a year ago when Jun was there for a trial of domestic violence. Sho won the case and sent the culprit to the prison; he stayed with the victim when Jun interviewed her. Sho was interested in Jun’s article and he helped Jun a lot with it. They grew closer and Sho kissed him at the bus stop when they were about to separate at the end of the day.
Jun was actually still couldn’t get over Ohno back then, but it would be a lie if he denied Sho’s feeling. They started dating and Jun always presence at Sho’s evening hearing.
“Jun, you don’t need to wait for me,” Sho said. He looked very tired and it meant he would be grumpy for the rest of the night.
“I have nothing to do anyway,” Jun said.
“I’ll go to the office and heading home as soon as I can, you can leave without me,” Sho said, handing Aiba his briefcase.
“How about dinner?” Jun asked.
“I’ll eat in the office,” Sho said, avoiding Jun’s gaze.
It was always like this after a long trial, moreover that Sho would be facing Ohno in a few days. The pressure had triggered the bad mood and Jun could do nothing about it.
“I’ll be waiting,” Jun said, following Sho’s steps towards the parking lot. “I met Satoshi at the hall.”
“He’s dying, yet he doesn’t lose his spirit for trial,” Sho said, loosening his tie.
“He looked healthy enough,” Jun commented.
“Let’s hope he’s still healthy next week.”
“Sho, that’s rude,” Jun said, offended.
“Sorry, Jun. I’m just so tired and stress right now,” Sho replied. They had reached Sho’s car, he withdrew the key from his pocket and opened the door. “I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s fine, I understand,” Jun said, flashing a smile at Sho. “Be careful on your way,” he continued, glancing at Aiba who pretended not to hear a thing.
Sho nodded, fastened the seatbelt, closed the door and started the engine. Jun watched as the car went away. He thought about Ohno and their failed relationship, he didn’t know the real reason why Ohno ended it until a few weeks ago. It was Ninomiya who cornered him and accused him as the most disgusting person for leaving Ohno because of his illness.
***
“You’re leaving him because you’ve found another living bank, aren’t you?”
Jun knew that Ninomiya was known for his directness, but what he said to Jun was beyond rude for a person you didn’t really know. They only met a few times in the court hall, Jun sometimes greeted the man for politeness reason, even though Ninomiya rarely replied him.
“Excuse me?” Jun said.
“I’m talking about Ohno san.”
“My relationship with Satoshi has nothing to do with you,” Jun said coldly.
“Indeed,” Ninomiya said. “But, you must have known that he has an illness and you left him just like that. For a person who writes something related to justice, it’s not really nice, huh?”
Jun needed a few seconds to digest Ninomiya’s words. It was the last thing he wanted to hear from this man about Ohno, it couldn’t be, Ninomiya must have lied to him.
“Illness? Satoshi? Wait, I don’t get it.”
Ninomiya shook his head in agony.
“Don’t pretend that you don’t know,” he said, leaving Jun to the court hall.
Jun should have chased the man and asked him for an explanation, but he couldn’t move his feet. He stayed there and watched Ninomiya disappearing towards the hall with the bewildered feeling that he couldn’t name. It was impossible that Ohno had an illness, he couldn’t have it and not telling Jun; on the opposite, he had sent Jun away from his life, he didn’t want to share it with him.
Later on, Jun found out that Ohno had cardiomyopathy or heart muscle disease which was untreatable. It was a disease he inherited from his mother who died ten years before.
Didn’t Ohno love him enough to trust him with such thing?
Didn’t Ohno want to fight the illness with Jun by his side?
But it was too late to get what they once had. Ohno had decided to cut the ties between them and Jun knew there would be no way back.
If only Jun had known that Ohno had cardiomyopathy, he would not have left the man behind, he would have insisted on staying together.
Jun hadn’t met Ohno since his encounter with Ninomiya three weeks before and when he got to see the man, Ohno avoided the topic and said that perhaps Ninomiya was telling a lie.
“Don’t let him make you feel guilty, I’m alright,” Ohno said, patting Jun’s shoulder when they were about to separate. “Our relationship has nothing to do with my illness,” Ohno added.
Jun knew it was a pure white lie, but he could do nothing to change Ohno’s mind.
***
“Jun, your order,” Sho’s voice woke him up from his run of thoughts.
“Oh, sorry,” Jun confusedly read the menu book in his hands. “I’ll have Blanquette De Veau and a glass of red wine, please.”
“Are you okay?” Sho asked.
“Yes,” Jun answered, watching the waiter who left their table.
They were having a dinner in a France restaurant; it had been a while since both of them had dinner outside. Jun usually cooked for dinner, he didn’t really like eating outside except for special occasion.
“You daydream a lot lately, is there anything bothering you?” Sho asked.
Jun could answer with short ‘no’, but he found his lips glued. He thought about Ohno recently, more than he could anticipate. He was ready to get over Ohno and thought of him as a friend, but when he knew the reason behind their break-up, he felt so stupid.
Jun lifted his gaze to meet Sho’s eyes and knew it would be unfair for Sho if he admitted that he was still thinking of Ohno. He flashed a soft smile at Sho and shook his head.
“Nothing is bothering me, I’m just thinking of the article I’ve been writing.”
“Is that so?” Sho replied. He seemed to not convinced enough, but he didn’t ask anything further for the rest of the dinner.
Sho didn’t mention about his upcoming trial with Ohno, he basically avoided the talk about the man as much as he could. He wasn’t a type of a jealous monster and never got mad every time he saw Jun with Ohno talking in the hall. Sho had known about Ohno’s illness and perhaps it bothered him as much as it bothered Jun, only that he didn’t want to talk about it.
Jun had no detail information about Ohno’s wellbeing, regardless that they were friends. Ohno was hiding his condition very well, he didn’t want anyone else, including Jun to get involved in his life anymore. It was sad to imagine Ohno going to the hospital all by himself with nobody to talk to afterward.
Sho said that he needed to finish some stuff and told Jun to go to bed earlier. Jun covered himself with the blanket and turned the table lamp off, but he wasn’t sleepy at all. Was it the right thing to do? Cuddle up with Sho meanwhile Ohno was suffering alone? But Ohno was the one who wanted it, Jun reminded himself.
Jun tried to close his eyes, but all he could see was Ohno’s face. Confused, he got up from the bed and joined Sho at the living room.
“Can’t sleep,” he said to Sho.
Sho gave him a weak smile and nodded, he continued typing something on his computer. Jun looked at the man, Sho seemed tired recently more than he already was. His eyes under the eyeglasses were lack of sleep and sometimes there were bags under them.
Jun rose from the sofa and hugged Sho from behind, he rested his chin on the man’s neck. Sho’s soft perfume was the best thing he’d ever smelled; Sho turned at him and kissed his lips.
“I love you,” Jun whispered.
“I love you more,” Sho replied.
Jun stayed still for minutes and gave Sho another kiss on his cheek before leaving him to the bed. He tried not to think about Ohno, but the more he tried the more he failed.
***
“Satoshi!”
“What do you want?” the one who responded was Ninomiya since Ohno was still talking to a man from a media.
“I need to talk with him,” Jun said, ignoring Ninomiya’s cold expression.
“Leave him alone, you have no business with him.”
“You have no right to tell me what I can or can’t do, Ninomiya,” Jun said, glaring at the man in front of him. It was the first time for him to tell a harsh thing to this particular man; Ninomiya’s jaw hardened but he had no time to answer as Ohno joined them.
“Jun, how are you?” he greeted Jun while smiling at him.
“Satoshi, I need to talk.”
“Ohno san, you have another meeting to be attended right after this,” Ninomiya hissed beside him.
“It’s okay, Nino,” Ohno patted Ninomiya’s shoulder, assuring him. “I still have half an hour.”
“Ten minutes is enough,” Jun said before Ninomiya could say something.
Ohno nodded and turned at Ninomiya, “You can wait for me in the lobby,” he said.
Ninomiya responded with a yes and gave Jun a cold gaze before turning around towards the lobby of the court hall.
“It’s been a while,” Ohno said.
“Satoshi, why you do it to yourself?”
Ohno knew that Jun referred to his current condition; he turned his gaze to the glass wall, to the falling leaves outside.
“The fall has come,” Ohno murmured, not answering Jun’s question. “Fall is your favorite time of the year, isn’t it?”
“Satoshi, you didn’t answer my question.”
It was clear that Ohno looked paler than usual and somehow fragile, but he still on fire when he defended his client on the trial.
“I have no particular reason,” Ohno said after a minute passed. “But I’m glad that you’ve found Sho kun.”
“You could have told me the truth and I would have never left.”
“It was me who left,” Ohno said. “Don’t blame yourself, Jun. It’s my choice.”
“But…”
“Thank you for your concern.”
Ohno’s tone was final as if telling Jun that his life was none of Jun’s business. Jun felt something cold rushed into his stomach when he heard Ohno’s words, it hurt him more than their break-up two years before.
“Sorry, Jun. I have to go,” Ohno turned around and left Jun who couldn’t give any reply. He stood still; it wasn’t the thing he expected, Ohno’s words had sent him away further than before. He wished he could chase the man and told him that he was still thinking of him, but it would give no good to anyone.
***
Sho’s trial with Ohno was held on Monday evening. Jun was busy with his final article so he couldn’t present on time at the venue. The trial was half-way when Jun got there. Ohno was presenting his plea against Sho, his voice fulfilled the courtroom, attracting everyone’s attention. Jun remembered the first time he saw Ohno in the trial, the man had a natural charm which made people pay attention to him. Jun had seen many lawyers before, but none of them was as good as Ohno in presenting his argument – well maybe Sho was at the same level.
That was when Ohno’s eyes found him; it was just for a split of a second, their gaze met. That eye-contact sent something strange to Jun’s heart; Ohno’s eyes were different, a flash of sadness was there and for some reason, Jun didn’t want the trial to end. He wanted it to go on forever.
The judge spoke as Ohno finished his plea, he said a few words and asked for a ten-minutes break to decide. Jun saw Sho and Ohno shook each other’s hand and returned to their desk. He wanted to sit down close to them, but the seats were full, everyone seemed to want to witness this trial as much as Jun did.
The judge had returned to the courtroom, everyone sat down and the room once again turned silent. He cleared his throat before speaking.
“On the charge of falsification of documents, we find the defendant is not guilty. Case dismissed.”
Everyone clapped their hands except Sho who sank down on his chair. He didn’t get used to something so-called failure, he looked shocked and angry at the same time. Jun rose from his chair, approaching Sho’s desk, but before he could do that, something else had stolen his attention, so did everyone in the room.
Ohno fell down to the floor before he could reach the judge for a hand shake. He remained unmoved, his skin had turned as white as the wall and Jun couldn’t think of anything else, he ran towards the man and held him, calling Ohno’s name over and over again.
***
“Go home.”
Ninomiya stood firmly before Jun with arms crossed in front of his chest. They were at the hospital waiting room, Ohno was brought to the ER and still under intensive care. Ninomiya came immediately to the courtroom and called the hospital, he pushed Jun away and took care of Ohno while waiting for the medical help.
Jun followed them to the hospital, not caring of Sho who still answered questions from the media. He knew he had no authority to keep Ohno company, but he couldn’t leave just like that. He tried to push the negative thoughts away, but it kept on coming.
“You’re only make everything worse, just go home.”
“One more word and I’ll break your nose,” Jun hissed. He didn’t know why he said those words, but his head was foggy and he couldn’t think clearly.
Ninomiya didn’t reply and slumped beside Jun, he inhaled deeply. “He doesn’t want to share his suffering,” the man said.
“I bet it doesn’t apply to you.”
“We’re old friends,” Ninomiya murmured.
“It’s so nice of you to work for him,” Jun commented. Perhaps, he would have surprised if he heard Ninomiya’s confession in a happier day, but now, his brain couldn’t proceed such information.
“I insist,” Ninomiya replied. “He helped me a lot at school, it’s the only time I can pay my debt.”
“Do you think that he will…you know.”
Ninomiya shrugged.
“He’s in advance stage,” he murmured.
They didn’t say anything for the time being. Jun couldn’t imagine how hurt it would be if Ohno wasn’t around anymore. No, the man would survive, he would not die or so he believed because the lawyer had closed his eyes forever on the next day.
***
“Jun, look, I caught the big one.”
Ohno’s hobby was fishing, no matter how cold the weather was. The autumn was about to finish and the air was getting colder day by day. Normal people would have chosen to stay at home and watched DVD than sailing to the sea just to catch a tuna.
“That’s very nice,” Jun approached the man and smiled at him.
“You look like you’ll die from cold,” Ohno chuckled. “Let’s go back before you die for real.”
Fishing was Ohno’s stress relief, it was the only time he could relax and became himself. Jun loved seeing that innocent face every time they went fishing, not mentioning that he didn’t like the sea, but he would put his dislike aside if it meant he could be with the real Ohno.
Jun and Ohno didn’t live together; because the lawyer loved his me-time. They mostly went fishing on their date or watched movies or in the rare occasion, lay down all day on the couch and talked nonsenses. Ohno’s smile was innocent when he was off guard; he was completely a different person when he had loosened his tie. Jun felt lucky that he got to know the real him; he loved to brag about Ohno to his co-workers.
He loved Ohno, he loved every side of him…
***
The memory was a weird thing, it appeared clearly when you didn’t want to recall it. Jun didn’t shed any tears along Ohno’s funeral, what he felt was beyond sadness. He didn’t talk to Sho for the past weeks, he knew it wasn’t Sho’s fault or anyone’s fault that Ohno died, but he just wanted to blame the world for letting Ohno die.
He left a letter to Sho and went traveling by himself. He had no particular purpose, but traveling seemed better than staying at home. He shouldered his backpack and headed the station, he would go to Hakodate first and would think of the next destination from there. Something told him to go to Hakodate, perhaps a good thing was waiting for him there. He looked at the bullet train ticket in his hand and stepped towards the platform upstairs.
END
a.n : Finally got back to my home country, even though half of my heart is left in Holland. Let me go back there!!
P.S: I’m reading Murakami’s latest novel now, ‘Kishidanchou Goroshi.’ As expected from a Master, his magic is always there.
